Scenes From an Old Life
by rfr4evr938
Summary: What do you do when all you want to do is run away from everything? When you just want to pretend your life’s the same. When you don’t know where to go or why you’re living. What do you do when everything feels pointless? Even living. AmyTy. Oneshot. R&R.


**AN-Well, this is my first one-shot and my first Heartland, so please review. **

**Warning-Rated T for cutting and suicide referances. **

**Disclaimer-I don't own Heartland.**

What do you do when all you want to do is run away from everything? When you just want to pretend your life's the same. When you don't know where to go or why you're living. What do you do when everything feels pointless? Even living.

Well, I still haven't figured out the answers to those questions. Ever since the accident, my life has been nothing. I know it's my fault my mom died, even though no one else does. Not even Heartland seems like a reason to live anymore. Nothing does.

That's why I sit here, day after day, staring out my window and wishing that I could find some reason to go on. That's why I run this razor blade over my skin and watch my blood flow. That's why I wish I could jump out of this window and not have to live, then remember that it's not up far enough to do much damage. That's why I wish I died instead of my mom.

But don't get any ideas. I've never actually tried to commit suicide. I've always been worried about something or someone. Like Lou, my grandpa, and Ty. They were the only people I really cared about anymore, and I couldn't think about what they'd do if they lost me along with my mom.

So, I just sit, stare, think, and watch my blood. It hits the carpet, but I'm barely fazed by it. I see Ty out in the ring working with one of the horses and I realize that I haven't talked to Ty since right after the accident.

For a moment, I think about going down and talking to him, but the few open cuts in my arm that are still bleeding change my mind. Instead, I keep staring and thinking. And wishing a little, too. But this time instead of wishing I were dead, I find myself wishing that my mom was alive.

xxxxxx

Ty's POV:

I look up from the riding ring and see Amy sitting at her window staring down. It's the only place I've seen her since she came home from the hospital nearly a month ago.

I take Copper back into the barn and put him in his stall. Then for the first time in over a month, I walk into the house and straight up the stairs to Amy's room.

xxxxxx

Amy's POV:

I hear a knock on my door and Ty's voice coming from the other side.

"Hold on!" I say, suddenly panicked. I throw something over the blood spots on my floor, wipe off my arm with a tissue, and then pull on a sweatshirt.

"Come in, I guess," I say.

The door opens and Ty walks in. He looks around my mess of a room, then finally looks at me sitting on my bed and sits next to me.

"Are you ok?" Ty asks me with genuine concern in his voice.

"I've been locked in my room since I got home," I say with almost no emotion. "How do think I am?"

"Good point," He said. "This is awkward."

"I know," I say with almost less emotion then before. "Maybe because we haven't talked since the accident."

"And I've hated it," he says. "I missed talking to you, Amy."

"Why?" I say. "Why would possibly miss talking to me?"

"Because you're my best friend," he says. "You always have been."

"You don't want me to be your friend, Ty," I say. "Trust me. I don't even like being around me anymore."

"Amy..." Ty says, like he can't figure out exactly what he wanted to say.

"I practically killed my mom, Ty!" I say, almost shouting. "Why would you want to be around me?"

"You didn't kill your mom!" he says. "You couldn't make her go. Your mom loved horses so much, she'd do anything for them. Even go out in a storm."

"You don't get it," I say. "I could've stopped her."

"No you couldn't have," Ty says.

"Look, even if I couldn't, I should've died instead of mom," I say, then right after I do, I want to take it back.

"What are you saying?" Ty asks.

"Nothing," I say. "Just forget I said anything."

"I can't!" Ty says. "You said it, Amy! Have you really felt so bad that you wished you died instead of your mom?"

Then I start crying for the first time in a month. Then Ty leans over and hugs me. I push him away, then say "Don't Ty! I don't want you to feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you," Ty says. "I just care about you."

"I know," I say.

Then after sitting and staring for a few minutes, I pull off my sweatshirt so Ty sees the cuts on my arm.

"Do you feel sorry for me now, or do you just think I'm psycho?" I ask.

"Amy," Ty says. But it doesn't sound like he can't figure out what to say. That's all he needs to say. His eyes trailing up and down my arms say everything.

"Ty, I'm sorry," I say.

"For what?" he says, looking up into my eyes.

"For everything," I say. "For not helping you since I got out of the hospital, for ignoring you, for hiding from you. I'm really sorry."

"It's ok, really," he says.

"Ty," I begin.

"What?" he says.

"I love you," I say.

Ty barely misses a beat before he says, "I love you, too."

Then I kiss him. And it's the first time that I'm happy since the accident. Because it's true. I'm in love with Ty. Right here, in this moment, it feels like all I need to do is kiss him, and know that I love him and he loves me. I know now that I do have a reason to live. And that reason is Ty.

**Please review! Please!**

**-Spence**


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